Heres To New Fucking Beginnings

Well, where on earth do I start...

If you've been following my blog for while then you're more than aware of how much of a crap time I had during 2019, but you may also notice that that there are no other posts from me until now,  2020 started off looking like it was going to carry on the way 2019 ended... just damn right shit. Even with all the COVID-19 crap 2020 is slowly becoming one of my most favourite of years. It's taken me a while to fully understand the deffinition of " Things Happen For A Reason`'  and boy, they really fucking do. But I'll move on to that at a later date. I want my blog to become a completely clean slate, that being said..


Heres To New Fucking Beginnings 



It's. safe to say that all the drama sure as hell sent me down a very peculiar path of mixed emotions left right and centre. I didn't know if I was coming or going. I felt depressed most days and the effort it took me to get out of bed was unreal. but I did it. I did it for me every single day. I promise you now, it's taken me a whole year to realise that I did that for me. Day in day out I would say to myself "you have to get up and go to work, they need you". " you have go to lunch today , because you can't let your friends down. they'll stop asking you to go out if you let them down" 

Just a few examples of the convocations I would have with myself daily. I'm so grateful to myself that  I was able to pull myself out of that mind set. It really was all down to my friends and family I had around me. Supporting me and checking in on me regularly. I didn't know at the time just how important it was to my mental health. The panic attacks set in about the end of November and on a good week I'd maybe only have 3, the closer it got to Christmas the more they happened, The more they started to interfere with my work. Having to take 10 mins out during a busy service because things became a blur and I couldn't concentrate to just straight up calling in sick because I was sat at the top my stairs, frozen, balling my eyes out not being able to take a normal breath which just knocked me for six.  I look back and laugh now but the best one was the fact of having a panic attack because I felt happy. A guy had taken me on a date in January and I was happy. I felt guilty for being happy. How bloody ridiculous is that. But that's what happens when you let your own thoughts run completely and utterly wild.  Convincing my mind that it is OK to be happy again has been an incredibly hard process. 

But I'm not here to dwell on that negatives,.. I just wanted to say 

I'm back. I'm Happy. I'm feeling positive and I can not stress enough just how much I am looking forward to the future. 

And some may think that I would want to change my blog name if I'm on the "new beginnings" band wagon. But no I don't want to change it. I think its more relevant to my life now than it ever was. I really is a Beautiful Life


" It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible"   



Hannah 

xxx


Oh by the way, here's my links just incase you want to take a look. 

Be ready for a few changes here and there.  


Instagram

Shiny New Photography Account




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